Why aren't you afraid of me?

*A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were
sitting in their pews and talking.* *Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front
of the church.*
*
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in
his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'*

*The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.*

daru

Jab maine daru pehli bar pee....
Mein apni nazro mein gir gya..
Aur maine darru chhodne ka faisla kiya. 
Par fir jab maine un tamaam daru factory ke majdoor, 
unke biwi bacho ke bare me socha, 
toh meri aankh bhar aayi 
aur usi pal faisla kiya ki ab se 'I will drink regularly!'

Apne liye to sab jeete hain..
kabhi doosron k liye bhi jee kar dekho dost!

mast joke

Morning in cities:

Delhi:Get up darling
Pune:Dear u r getting late
Mumbai:Wake up Sweet Heart
UP:paani aa gaya hai
light jane wali hai
uth rahe ho ya dun ek laat.....:) 

Extract from Tony Blair's book!

'I had regularly started jogging out of Downing Street . On each run I
happened to jog past a hooker (prostitute) standing on the same
street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension I would brace myself as I approached her for
what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty Pounds!" she would shout from the kerb.

"No way, 50pence!" I fired back.

This ritual between myself and the hooker continued for days.

I'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty Pounds!"

And I'd yell back "50pence!"

One day, however, my wife Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany
me on my jog.

As we jogged nearer the problematic street corner, I realised the
"pro" would bark her £50 offer and Cherie would wonder what I had
really been doing on all my past outings.

I realised I'd need to have a damn good explanation for my illustrious
lawyer wife.

As we jogged into the turn that would take us past the corner, I
became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker.

I tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair of us jog past.

Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled,

"See what you get for 50pence?!!"

Give Your Best to Relationship

A boy and a girl were playing together.The boy had a collection of marbles. 
The girl had some sweets with her.
 
The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. 
The girl agreed. 
 
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. 
The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
 
That night, girl slept peacefully. 
But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden 
some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
 

Moral of the story:

If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, always keep 
doubting  if the other person has given his/her hundred percent..
 
This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc. 
Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Brakes - adult

A man is busy screwing his girlfriend on the railway tracks.  The alert
train driver spots the couple miles before and immediately starts hooting
and starts applying the brakes, but the couple just ignores it and is
happily in the act.

The driver is damn irritated and just stops a few yards away from the loving
couple. He jumps down from the engine and rushes towards the man who has
just finished and is zipping up his pants.

The driver is so angry, he starts shouting at the irresponsible young man,
"You idiot, do you realize that if I had not seen you at the right time,
this would have been your last f..k"

“Hold on” replies the young man. *“Listen, you were coming; she was coming
and I was coming... But only you had the brakes...”..*

BEAUTY OF ENGLISH

Beauty of ENGLISH-
Ever noticed how d 1 word aftr another in a sentence can lead 2a nice story?.
.Here's an example:.
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at all..!""
Oh Jack plz dont touch me at..!""
Oh Jack plz dont touch..!""
Oh Jack plz dont..!""
Oh Jack plz...!""
Oh Jack..!""
Ohh...!''