A Straight forward prayer

Dear God:
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For 2011

all I ask for is a big fat bank account and a slim body.
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Please do not mix up the two like you did last year.
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Adventure

*Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying a Passport
size photograph of his son (for college admission). *
*Accidently, the photograph fell down from his pocket. He started searching
for it frantically and found the same on the floor of the bus.
Politely, he asked the saree clad female, standing in front of him, "Can you
lift your saree? I want to take a photograph"
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted in a
hospital. *
**
*He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him, in a still
worse condition. *
*

Banta started to explain his "Adventure".

He had gone to a remote village on some work & due to his high level of
intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time.
He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So
he approached a nearby house and asked the owner
whether he could stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 2
grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he could stay there for the
night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters.
Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went towards the next house and without taking any risks, asked, "Do you
have "grown up" daughters?".
The owner asked, "WHY?????????"
Banta replied, "I want to stay here for a night..... "

Last Request

Pat was lying on his deathbed, moaning and carrying on. "Mike," he says,
"I know I'm a goner."*
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*"Oh, Paddy, have faith, ye still have years ahead UV yuh."*
**
*"No, Mick, I'm finished, an' you've been such a great friend; there's one
thing I'd like yuh to do when I'm gone."*
**
*"Ahh, Paddy, I'll do anything you ask, I swear it to the Saints and the
Holy Mother." *
**
*"Well, Dear Friend, I have been saving a jug of fine whiskey that my
brother sent me from Dublin some eight years ago, and I would like you to
pour it on me grave when I'm buried." *
**
*Mike sits silently for a long time and Pat asks again, "Will you do that
for yer oldest friend, Mike?"*
**
*Mike draws a big breath and says, "Ye know I will Pat, but would ye mind if
I filter it through me kidneys first?"*

Hair cut

*The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, "Why do I have to pay full
price for a haircut -- there's so little of it." *
*"Well," said the barber, "actually I only charge a little for cutting it.
What you're paying for mostly is my time searching for it."*