Pathology one liners

Pathology’s top ten one liners...... .& what they really mean


1) Enucleated specimen of right eye, inadequate for opinion: excise the left eye, too.


2) Small round cell tumour, advised immunohistochemistr y for a definite diagnosis: I don’t know what the hell it is.... 


3) Compatible with lichen planus: doesn’t look like it. But if you insist, I don’t resist.

4) Florid reactive hyperplasia, lymph node; advised close clinical follow up: boss, wait till it turns into a full blown lymphoma, then I’ll type it.

5) Borderline serous cystadenoma, ovary, with focal microinvasion: phew, this’ll save my skin, if the patient throws a met 10 years later!

6) Early ill formed epithelioid granulomas with occasional acid fast bacilli: I have an excellent imagination!

7) Special stains for fungi, bacteria and parasites are not contributory: I didn’t look hard enough.

8) Metastatic poorly differentiated neoplasm, cerebellum, with possibilities of carcinoma, sarcoma, melanoma, lymphoma . . .: looking for the primary is your job; anyway, how does it matter now?

9) Appendix showing lymphoid hyperplasia: you knocked off a perfectly normal one.

10) Poorly preserved biopsies from multiple sites, unsuitable for definite opinion: only a necropsy can solve the issue

Think about it

When a married man says-
'I'll think about it',
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

Technology update

If any girl has full make-up even at home..
Dont get confused..
Its obvious that Her phone has "3G".. (Video Calling)

Ooo teri

Ooo Terii
Q. Whats common between Srisanth and
Sharad Pawar?
A. A slap and a sardar............................

Coz Both's name started with S.
nd slapper's too with H

THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEER

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all
ten comes to $100…

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go
something like this…

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do..

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the
arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.
“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce
the cost of your daily beer by $20″. Drinks for the ten men would now
cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so
the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men? How could they divide the $20
windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted
that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man
would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s
bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle
of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out
the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began
to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving,” declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,”but he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar
too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man “Why should he get $10 back,
when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get
anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine
sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay
the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough
money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how
our tax system works.
The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the
most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for
being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is
somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics.

Worms

It takes 300 silkworms to make a pair of silk panties

but it takes only one worm to persuade her to take it off

Opposite

Lecturer: Children in the dark make mistakes.
Convert this sentence to opposite.
Student: Mistakes in the dark make children.

Fatima Mehfooz

Raat Ke 3 Baje Phone Aya
"Hello! Yahan FATIMA MEHFOOZ Rehti Hai Kya?"
Boy:-Abe Saale Raat Ke 3 Baje Agar FATIMA Mere Paas Hoti To MEHFOOZ Rehti Kya.? =))

Nature's call

If potty is Nature's call
then what is a fart...?
purrr
"Nature's missed calls"

Golu

Traffic Police:
Ap 180 Ki Speed
Se Q Ja Rahe Ho
GOLU :Ap logo Ne Hi to Side Wale
Board Pe Likha He
Yaad Rakhe Ghar Pe KOI Apka Intezar Kar Rha He...

Jab Koi Baat...

Jab koi baat
bigad jaye
Jab koi mushkil
Pad jaaye

To

To

To

To
('-') mai kya
<) (> karu??
J L
tumhari Harkate hi aisi hoti h
Pta nhi kab sudhroge

The Ambulance and the Indian

*An Indian living in Westmead, NSW (Australia) suffered a heart attack in
front of the Pendle Hill Take-Away Restaurant on the road and was picked
up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - "Hari
Om Hari Om Hari Om ".

When the ambulance pulled into his home , instead of the Westmead
Hospital, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why
didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'

They replied 'Because he kept saying Hurry home, Hurry home,
Hurry home!'

Italian Maths Test

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him
until he passes a little math test.

'Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using
numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he
proceeds to draw three trees.

'What's this?' the boss asks.
'Ave you gota no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,'
says the Italian.

'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use
the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . 'Ere
you go.'

The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get
that to represent 99?'
'Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and
dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.'

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this Italian, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules
again, but represent the number 100.'

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and
says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'

The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think
that represents a hundred!'
(You're going to love this one!!!)

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree and says, 'A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree.
So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and
dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred.
'So, whenna I start?'

Speed mein

Judge : Kya sabOot hai ke tum Gari (CAr) Speed main nahi chala rahe thay?
Admi : Sir main apni biwi ko lene SusRaaL ja raha tha 
.
.
.
.
Judge : Thats All Case Dismissed:

patience

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.

world famous painter

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started
losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went
to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting
the doctor's office.

Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had
finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art:
the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked
the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office,
especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself `Thank God I'm not a
proctologist.'"

The last Sane Generation

The last SANE generation! -

We are the last generation that learnt to play in the street.

We are the first who've played video games, seen cartoons in color and went to amusement parks.

We were the last to record songs of the radio on cassettes and we are the pioneers of walkmans and chatrooms.

We Learned how to program the VCR before anyone else.

We learnt to work with DOS, folppy disk, play Nintendo, Dave, and Mario.

We are the generation of the anek chidiya days, Tom & jerry, Thunder Cats, He- man,Tarzan, Mogli.

We witnessed the original Mahabharat and the Ramayan of doordarshan.

We traveled in cars without seat belts or air-bags.

We lived without cell phones.

We did not have Play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers and the Internet,
We were the last to write HW, note for parents in school diary, researched in libraries and bunked school to play football

...but nevertheless We had a GREAT Time

Stupid question but super answer

For those that don't know him, *Major General Peter Cosgrove *is an
Australian.

*General Cos grove was interviewed on the radio recently.*
*Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children.*
*Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is
one of the best comeback lines of all time.*
*In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and
General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his
military Headquarters.*
*
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:*
So, General Cos grove, what things are you going to teach these young boys
when they visit your base?*

GENERAL COSGROVE:*
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
*
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:*
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?*

GENERAL COSGROVE:*
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.*

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:*
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?*

GENERAL COSGROVE:*
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before
they even touch a firearm.
*
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:*
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.*

GENERAL COSGROVE:*
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are
you?*

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds........*

VATICAN HUMOR

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the
curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at
the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today..'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never
gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms..
(Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the
driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the
radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo
going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'