A policeman saw a teenage boy crying
He asked him: Whats the matter, boy?
Boy: "MATTER" is anything that occupies space & has mass.
He asked him: Whats the matter, boy?
Boy: "MATTER" is anything that occupies space & has mass.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The Lord works in mysterious ways!
Persevere!
*A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter
he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a
twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure
needed that right now.
As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning
against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the
twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and
wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it
as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and
smiled.
The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the
shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor
asked him what that was for. The man replied, “This is your half of the
winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday
and paid thirty to one.”*
*A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter
he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a
twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure
needed that right now.
As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning
against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the
twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and
wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it
as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and
smiled.
The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the
shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor
asked him what that was for. The man replied, “This is your half of the
winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday
and paid thirty to one.”*
What's her age?
A Kentucky State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young
man
behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a
young
woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and
gently
raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And
her,
what is she doing?'
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at
night in a lover's lane... And nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'
The trooper asks: 'And her.... what's her age?'
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11
minutes...'
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young
man
behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a
young
woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and
gently
raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And
her,
what is she doing?'
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at
night in a lover's lane... And nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'
The trooper asks: 'And her.... what's her age?'
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11
minutes...'
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
kutte ka bacha bach gaya hai
Kapil Sibbal ki car se "Puppy" mar gaya......, Sibbal to driver " is kutte ke bache ke Malik ka pata karo".
Jab driver wapas aaya to uske galle me bahot si Fulon ki mala thi,
Sibal"ye kya he"
Driver:"Sir, logon ne meri puri baat hi nahin suni, aur khusi se itne haar pehna diye.. Maine to sirf itna kaha k " Main Kapil sibbal ka driver hun. Kutte ka bacha mar gaya ha
Jab driver wapas aaya to uske galle me bahot si Fulon ki mala thi,
Sibal"ye kya he"
Driver:"Sir, logon ne meri puri baat hi nahin suni, aur khusi se itne haar pehna diye.. Maine to sirf itna kaha k " Main Kapil sibbal ka driver hun. Kutte ka bacha mar gaya ha
Nasbandhi ka operation
NAUKRANI:- Mem saab mai PREGNANT hu.
MEMSAAB:- Badhai ho apna khayal rakhna.
NAUKRANI:- Aap b khayal rakhna, saab ki NASBANDHI ka operation theek se nahi hua hai
MEMSAAB:- Badhai ho apna khayal rakhna.
NAUKRANI:- Aap b khayal rakhna, saab ki NASBANDHI ka operation theek se nahi hua hai
Modern Marvels
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut
before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if
there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall
from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and
stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz
and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled his head out and looked in the
mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease!
This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read "Manicures $10."
"Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot,
and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled
out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need
when away from their wives, 50 Cents."
"Oh, man...do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the
machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood
into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost
passed out.
*Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to
withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if
there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall
from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and
stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz
and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled his head out and looked in the
mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease!
This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read "Manicures $10."
"Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot,
and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled
out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need
when away from their wives, 50 Cents."
"Oh, man...do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the
machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood
into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost
passed out.
*Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to
withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
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