GOOGLE KAUR

Lalwa met a newly wed friend and asked, 
"What is the name of your wife?

Dadwa said, "Google Kaur".

Lalwa said, "Amazing, I never heard such a name for an Indian woman. She 
must be rich and brilliant"

Dadwa said, "Oh no, well, when I ask her one question she responses with 
ten different answers and I even forget what was the question that I asked."

No Health Insurance

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

All Judgement and Doomsday Believers

*Due to technical difficulties... The scheduled END OF WORLD event has been
postponed.*

* We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. If you have
already quit your job, given away your life savings or liquidated all of
your assets... **Oopps... Our bad! *

*We will attempt another doomsday event on 21st December 2012. *

Have a nice day!*

The funny doctor

MY  DOCTOR...

Let me tell you about my doctor.

He's very good!

If you tell him you want a second opinion,

He'll go out and come in again.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years

Before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.

At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,

So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was  talking to me, his nurse came in and said,

"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."

The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,

"Doctor, doctor! - my  son just swallowed a roll of film!"

The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what  develops."
~~~~~
One patient  came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."

The doctor asked, "When did it start?"

The man replied, "When did what start?"
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor

I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer  it."
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.

One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these  -

If they don't work,  give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.

The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you  later."
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,

He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.

You wait a month and a half for an appointment,

Then he  says, "I wish you had come to me sooner.

The Obedient Father !!

There was a father who called his 5 small children together. 
 As they sat together in a circle on the floor
the dad placed a toy in the middle. 
 
He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.
 
He asked them "who is the most obedient?"
Five sets of eyes looked up at him.
Sensing that they didn't understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?"
 
One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father.
  "You win!" exclaimed the child

Farmer

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They
couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would
just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and
a
gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple
of
chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a
problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who
told him she was lost.. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603
Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose
in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll
be
there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely
widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in
the
alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have
your way
with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold
you up
against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put
the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

Is it Bad Luck?

BAD LUCK TRYING TO HIDE OR WHEN THINGS GO FROM BAD TO WORST.....

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of
the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The
bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says,
"Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I
give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're
so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when
this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I
thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a
fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over
and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a
while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal
in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and
starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true."

He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to
her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to
go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up
and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts
fumbling with the door."

"The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He must have lost his
wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!'"

"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he
would look, so I didn't hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I
figured he's bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the
lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there
by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this
point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out,
'Who you been with now, you witch?' The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm
down.'"

Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the
closet and throw it across the room. I'm thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't
hide in there.' Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the
room. Good thing I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say,
'What's that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead meat
now.'

But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him
to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water
running for a long time; I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something,
when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of
the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second
degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure." "No,
that didn't really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut
over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody
mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so upset."

"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."

The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make
you anger?"

*"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down--I
was only about six inches off the ground."*