*1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes
of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she
applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma,
you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put
lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper
good-bye.... *
*2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"*
*3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,"Who was THAT?"*
*4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the woods.." The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you
sooner!"*
*5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,** "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how
are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.*
*6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her** grandfather' s word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."*
*7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her** colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of these, yourself!"*
*8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us
with flashlights. "*
*9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says** I'm 4 to
6."*
*10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother,
more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting, "
she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You
just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."*
*11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a** public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote:*
*"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The** teacher took the lad
aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying
a child."*
*12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to** their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They
use him to keep crowds back," said one child.. "No," said another. "He's
just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They
use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."*
*13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.** "Oh," he said, "she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when
we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."*
*14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good things,
but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!*
*15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks,
and they blame their dog.*
*SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT
EVERYONE.*
*IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!*
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A MAN is the head of the family, the WIFE is the neck. The neck turns the
head exactly the way it wants.
Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save
it for a special occasion. Today is special.
Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder, and, Your hand over my mouth
In a day when you don't come across any problems - you can be sure that you
are travelling on the wrong path - Swami Vivekananda
