What is SHIT!... the History.

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.    It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a bye-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can imagine what could (and did) happen.   Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern...... BOOOOM!   Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening  After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

 
 


 
   Thus evolved the term 'S.H.I.T', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.. 

You probably did not know the true history of this word. 

Neither did I.   

I had always thought it was essentially something to do with POLITICIANS... ....

Clarity in communication is so important

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
 
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. 
The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" 
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!" The woman kept quiet and left. 
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" 
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?" 
"Which present?" She asked. 
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" 
 "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!" :-) 
 Moral of the Story: Requirements should be explicit, Elaborate and clearly communicated. 

Johnny Johnny reloaded

Ravan & Pappu

Once Pappu started praying to Ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy with the bhakti of Pappu. 
 

Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardans to Pappu.  RAVAN: Say vatsa! What you want?  PAPPU: I want 100 vardans.  RAVAN: But I can give you only 3 vardans  PAPPU: But I want 100 vardans.  RAVAN: No child that’s not possible.  PAPPU: No I want 100 means 100  RAVAN: No I can give you only 3. If you want then take or else I am going. PAPPU: Ok! But what 3 I will ask, you will give me definitely? RAVAN: Sure it's promise from Rakshas Raj Ravana. PAPPU: 1st vardan, convert your GADA on shoulder to wooden bamboo stick. RAVAN: "Tathastu" and his gada turns into a stick. PAPPU: 2nd Vardan, put that stick in your ass hole ... deep inside ...!! RAVAN: (confused but ......) "Thathastu" and in great pain asks Pappu to ask for the third vardan .... ASAP ... PAPPU: Now are you giving me rest 97 vardans or should I convert that stick back to GADA ? The moral of the Story: Management will not yield to your simple request until u can give pain in their Ass.

Car v/s Computers

hought  you'd get a kick out of this  one.... 

 For  all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the  way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. 
At a  recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared  the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,  

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer  industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000  miles to the gallon.' 

In  response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press  release stating: 

If  GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be  driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just  love this part ): 

1. For no reason whatsoever, your  car would crash.........  Twice  a day. 

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the  road, you would have to buy a new car.  
3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of  the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the  windows before you could continue. For some reason you would  simply accept this. 

4. Occasionally, executing a  maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down  and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to  reinstall the engine.  
5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was  reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but  would run on only five percent of the roads. 

6. The  oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would  all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal  Operation' warning light.  
I  love the next one!!!  
7.  The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.  

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car  would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you  simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and  grabbed hold of the radio antenna.  
9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to  learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls  would operate in the same manner as the old car. 

10.  You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine  off  
PS - I'd like  to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer  service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some  foreign language how to fix your car  yourself!!!!

Gender specific courses-dont miss ......... LOL

Register & get early bird discounts !

*CLASSES FOR WOMEN**J**;)*

*Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: *

Topic 1. Silence , the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Topic 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

Topic 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

Topic 4. Bathroom Etiquette: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Topic 5. Communication Skills : Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

Topic 6. Communication Skills II: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Topic 7. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

Topic 8. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

Topic 9. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have

Topic 10. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both




*
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR **MEN*

ALL ARE WELCOME !!
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, every
course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. (Step by step with slide presentation.)

Topic 2. Toilet paper rolls : do they grow on the holders? (Round-table
discussion.)

Topic 3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. (Pictures and
explanatory graphics.)

Topic 4. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right
place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. (Open
forum.)

Topic 5. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
(Graphics and audio tape.)

Topic 6. Real men ask for directions when lost. (Real-life testimonials.)

Topic 7. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
(Driving simulation.)

Topic 8. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife (Online
class and role playing.)

Topic 9. How to be the ideal shopping companion (Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.)

Topic 10. How to fight cerebral atrophy : remembering birthdays,
anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be
late (Cerebral shock therapy sessions.)

CORPORATE LESSON

Once there were three peoples; BOSS , officer , & clerk going for a meeting ...
They met a JIN.. The JIN said : "I will fulfill one wish for each of you

" Clerk: "send me to America with lot of money" clerk disappeared.

Officer : Send me to Paris. officer disappeared as well Now Jin asked to Boss what is your wish ?

He said: "I want these two Idiotz back at office after Lunch."
MORAL : Let Your BOSS Speak First........

You'll love this

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.  While on the operating table she had a near death experience.  Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"  God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."  Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!  Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.  After her final operation, she was released from the hospital.  While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.  Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you  said I had another 43 years to live. Why didn't you pull me from the path of that ambulance?"

 (You'll love this) 



God replied: 
"I didn't recognize you!" 

WHY ONLY INDIANS ARE REBORN!

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said: 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!'

The Lord said, 'Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.'

Satan answered the phone, 'Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.' Satan returned to the phone, 'OK I'm back. What can I do for you?'

Gabriel replied, 'I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there.'

Satan says, 'Hold on again. I need to check on something.'

After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, 'I'm back. Now what was the question?'

Gabriel said, 'What kind of problems are you having down there?'

Satan says, 'Man I don't believe this .. Hold on.'

This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now.. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IT connection between heaven and hell between ME and GOD. I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai - pakora, Chole batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and Dokla shop, which I had to stop..I am requesting you OH LORD PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive for re-birth".