Monday, January 17, 2011

POLITICAL JOKES

Politically Correct Jokes

1.

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

'I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.'

2.

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops....Will call back in an hour!

3.

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,

'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'

Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3.'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'

And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'

4.

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem..

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem....

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5.

A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being Attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the Girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl.'

The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl,' The policeman answers.

'But I am not an American!' says the man.

Oh, what are you then?'

The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'

The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog. 

Enjoy

ENJOY.....

1.  A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and 
asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your 
own sister" 
 
2.  Santa went for an interview Bank manager: what is cyclone ? Santa: It 
is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle))) 
 

4.  Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent 
him to Ramdev Baba for treatment….. . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of 
his legs.. 
 
5.  Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut. 
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u 
will come out at once” 
 
6.  What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts 
with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN" 
 
7.  Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne 
kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo" 
 
8.  Dada(Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. 
Pota(Grand Son): Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 
2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao. 
 
9.  World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any 
wool? .. .. ... .. . sheep: NO, get lost. 
 

11.  Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai ? 
Santa: just smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge 
 
 
14.  Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english 
word bhool gaya 
Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? 
Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother 

funnies

LITTLE SENSE SERIES:

Khud ko kar buland itnaa....
Ke' Himaalay ki choti pe jaa pahunche....
aur khuda tumse puche....
'Abe sale gadhe... ab utrega kaise '

jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi
jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi
dil ne kaha khud kushi(sucide) kar le jalim
bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi

Pyar Mein Log Jinda Dafnaye Jatein Hein,
Pyar Mein Log Jinda Dafnaye Jatein Hein,
Kabar khood Ke Dekhon Intezaar Mein Paaye Jatte Hein.

Kitne Log They Tumhare Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Ek Mein Nahin Tha Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Mein Hota Bhi Kaise Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Jo Mera Zanazaa Ja raha tha Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche.

PYAAR MEIN DHOKA SERIES :

Maine tujhe sau-sau khat likhe,
tune kisi ka bhi jawab nahi diya;
kahin tere dil mein raddi ki tokri to nahi?
Maine tumhare yaadon mein ro ro ke tub bhar diya
Magar tum itney be-wafa nikle ki nahake chal diye...

TOTAL NONSENSE SERIES :

Jee karta hai ki teri nili nili aankhon main dub
jaoon
Jee karta hai ki teree nili nili aankhon main dub
jaoon
Splash !

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?

Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter

Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar........
Ekhathar, bahathar, chauhathar !
( trihathar is on leave )

Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain........
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the...(wah wah)

kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ......
ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??

DOOR SE DEKHA SERIES:

Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi.....
Dooor se dekhaaa... to kuchh dikha nahi.....
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi

Door se dekha to Patthhar dikhta tha.....
Dooor se dekha... to Patthharr dikhtaa thaa.....
Paas jake dekha to... suchmuch Patthhar hi thaa...

Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Paas gaya... to bheeg gaya...

Door se dekha to sher tha
Door se dekha to sher tha
Is liye paas gaya hi nahi...

ADV SERIES :

Main tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye
Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye,
Iodex maliye kaam pe chaliye

Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao,
Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao,
Melody khao khud jaan jao...

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan

Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Tan ki shakti, man ki shakti, Bournvita (Chorus:
Aha-aha...)

Aur, ant mein Ghalib ke liye ek sher:

Tumne mere man se khela
Tumne mere tan se khela
Tumne mere dhan se khela
Wah, Wah Wah !well played! well played!

Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai 

Diff. between pyar or pani

Pani or pyar me kya fark hota hai ? ? ?
Fark sirf ek hai ,
Insan agar pani me gire to ? BHEEG jata hai
or
pyar me GIRE
to
?
DOOB jata h.

Free Drinks

Early at 3 AM the hotel desk clerk gets a phone call from a drunk guy 
asking
what time the bar opens. 

"It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call 
from the same guy again, sounding even drunker.

"What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, uncontrolled and blabbering, "What 
did you shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I
can have room service send something up to you in your room."

"No... I don't wanna git in the bar... Ah wanna git OUT of the bar!!!"

Nature's Law for Human

Nature's Law for Human
Dinesh Vora

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to 
move faster than the one you are in now. 

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged 
one. 

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, 
your nose will begin to itch. 

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least 
accessible corner. 

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss your excuse you were late for work 
because you had a flat tire, the next morning you really will have a flat 
tire. 

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. 

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases 
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't 
work, it will! 

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to 
the reach. 

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive 
last. 

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss 
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

No Rent

A Story Riddle

An ant knocks on the door of a house. 

The house owner opens the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said
the owner. 

The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested to the
owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"

"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.

After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the owner
to allow the ant to stay with it. 

The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.

This continued as the ant brings in one more and and the owner
agrees for it. 

One fine day, the ant brought in a tenth ant and requested the owner
to allow him also to stay with it.

The owner said, "OK, you can all stay here but you all need to pay
rent."

Now the question is: Why did the owner ask for rent when the last
ant came in?

Because they are now tenants!