Engineers are Impossible -- They can prove anything

Prove?.

2 / 10 = 2 
  
.. 



.. 

.. 

.. 

  

Art student : Out of syllabus 

.. 

.. 

.. 

.. 

  

Commerce student : Question hi galat hai 

.. 

.. 

.. 

.. 

  

  

Medical student : it?s strange yaar, ye kaise ho sakta
hai? 

.. 

.. 

.. 

.. 

  

  

Engineering student : it is very easy 

 


TWO / TEN 

 


=WO / EN 

 


(W=23rd letter, O=15th letter,
E=5th letter & N=14th letter) 

 


=23+15 / 5+14 

 


=38 / 19 

 


=2 

 


Engineer never ask?.. 

 


Ans kya hai? 

 


They only ask , 
ans .    Kya lana hai. 

 


That?s Engineering. .. ;) 

INFORMATIVE ...

We don't understand Women : Their "Whatever" "Anything" OR
"You Decide"

1 . (Whatever)

Men: What should we have for dinner?

Women: Whatever..

Men: Why don't we have Mexican?

Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face

Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine

Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood

Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything

Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time

Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time

Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?

Women: Exercise on such a hot day?

Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink

Women: I am off caffeine

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: Anything

3. (You decide)

Men: Then do we just go home?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you

Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.

Men: OK; we will take a cab

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance

Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather

Women: I am hungry, can't walk.

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first?

Women: Whatever...

Men: What shall we eat?

Women: Anything..

Survey

*A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the
middle of the night.*

- *5 percent said it was to get a glass of water,*
- *12 percent said it was to go to the toilet,*
- *83 percent said it was to go home.

Bollywood Stars in Call Centres

Ever imagined how it would be when we see Bollywood stars in BPO industry, taking calls of the customers. We dont feel pity for bollywood, but what will happen to customers. God! save them…
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care. Rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hain filhaal ek customer care agent hain.
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha.
uske baad, uske baad mere bhai, Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg. .
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aa raha hoon maa.
Customer: I am unable to use your product, its waste and worthless.
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaonga.
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne mat naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai.
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh, seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna, haaaaaaaaa!! !
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain mil jayegi. Hum angrezon ke zamaane ke agent hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye.
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko, tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon. Police mien report likha..
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu… mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyara sa agent hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi … thank you ji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai. May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling. Tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear, Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega.
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga… batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suaar Ke baccho, sirf $10.00, dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani, Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes… otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena, manager humko dara sake manager mein itna dum nahi, humse hai manager, manager se hum nahi.
Lastly…
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkk (Stuck at K)
Customer hung up the phone… 

oxymoron

An oxymoron is usually defined as "A phrase in which two words with*
*contradictory
meaning are brought together". For Example :-

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact Estimate

3) Small Crowd

4) Act Naturally

5) Found Missing

6) Fully Empty

7) Pretty ugly

8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies

And .......

..

..
how about this
..

11) Happily Married!

Brain Trainer

DEMENTIA QUIZ     
    
   FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 
 

ANSWER:  IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?
 

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL DOWN) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
 
 ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU  ARE..... 
  WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU? 

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? 

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER..... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?   

MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT...  MAYBE... 

FOURTH QUESTION: 

MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 
1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI,  4. NONO, AND ??? 
2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND, 
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:

A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. 
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE 
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

Without interruption

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning
Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Finnegan

My Doctor

*Let me tell you about my doctor**.* *He's very good!* *If you tell him you
want a second opinion,* *He'll go out and come in again**.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years* *Before he
realized she was Chinese.**
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.* *At the end of the six
months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,* *So, the doctor gave him another
six months**.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,* *"Doctor, there is
a man here who thinks he's invisible."* *The doctor said, "Tell him I can't
see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,* *"Doctor,
doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"* *The doctor calmly
replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."** **
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."* *The
doctor asked, "When did it start?"* *The man replied, "When did what start?"
** **
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor* *I had a ringing in my ears. His
advice:** "Don't answer it."
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.* *One said to him, "Doctor, I
think I'm a bell."* *The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take
these -* *If they don't work, give me a ring."**
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.* *The
doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."** **
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,* *He told me to stop
going to those places**.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.* *You wait a month and a half for
an appointment,* *Then he says,** "I wish you had come to me sooner."*

Penis Insurance

An Insurance agent was selling all kinds of insurances and would cook up 
anything to sell and get paid.

A customer asked if accident happened and got his Penis damaged, can he 
get replacement insurance for it.
"Sure sir", Cooked up the sly agent.

"Oh so you can get me brand new fresh Penis replacement." asked the 
customer.
"No said the agent, but we can sure send someone to your wife for life."

1776 and freedom letter of USA

IF THERE WERE COMPUTERS IN 1776

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that 
we complete this declaration of independence.

Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.

Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has 
everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?

Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication 
problems.

Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.

Mr. Sherman: Thanks. Saaaaay, nice font.

Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last 
week.

Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document 
will soon leak out.

Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. 
I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.stinks last night.

Mr. Franklin: @#$$%^$# General Protection Fault!

Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that 
problem for me.

Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended 
Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text?

Mr. Jefferson: I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I've spilled candle 
wax on my keyboard again.

Mr. Adams: You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an 
active-matrix screen.

Mr. Franklin: Hard-disk failure?!? Aw, criminy!

Mr. Livingston: Are you sure it's "unalienable rights"? My spell checker 
recommends "unassailable".

Mr. Jefferson: Can we stick to the substance of the document, please? 
Shoot. Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?

Mr. Sherman: What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible.

Mr. Franklin: Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy 
drive buzzes? OK, I'll hold.....

Mr. Livingston: The "In Congress" part here at the top; have you thought 
about blowing that up really big and maybe centering it in 72 point 
Helvetica?

Mr. Jefferson: Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save 
the file.

Mr. Franklin: That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my 
quill pen...

what are you thinking

When apple is green it is ready to "PLUCK" 

When girl is 18 she's ready to 

. 

. 

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. 

.

. 

. 

. 

. 

.

"VOTE" 

Punjabi ABC - Funny

This one's not just for Punjabis but for all those who have faced 'Punjlish'.
A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or
whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is
actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course). 

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to 
shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or 
Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder's taxi.)

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful 
because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P..

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses 
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love 
with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or 
pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is 
from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslateable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the 
odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi 
. (The other half by their Pappas - like 'Sweetie de Pappa di Gaddi')

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.

GOOGLE KAUR

Lalwa met a newly wed friend and asked, 
"What is the name of your wife?

Dadwa said, "Google Kaur".

Lalwa said, "Amazing, I never heard such a name for an Indian woman. She 
must be rich and brilliant"

Dadwa said, "Oh no, well, when I ask her one question she responses with 
ten different answers and I even forget what was the question that I asked."

No Health Insurance

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
“Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”