sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries

This is some of the funniest stuff I have read in a long time; just made my
day!!!!!!!

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*These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in N Hospitals
Greater Glasgow, Scotland:*

*
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.*

*
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.*

*
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a
40 pound weight gain in the past three days.*

*
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.*

*
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.*

*
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
disappeared. *

*
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.*

*
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.*

*
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.*

*
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but
forgetful.*

*
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.*

*
12. She is numb from her toes down.*

*
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.*

*
14. The skin was moist and dry.*

*
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.*

*
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. *

*
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.*

*
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.*

*
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical
therapy.*

*
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. *

*
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.*

*
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.*

*
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.*

*
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.*

*
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.*

*
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities*
*
.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.*

*
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran
out of fuel and crashed.*

*
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.*

*
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.*

*
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.*

*
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.*

*
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.*

-----
God gives cloth, wood and fire even to a dead man,
It is so sad that the living man keeps worrying...

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing
it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."-Buddha

A good way to change someones attitude is to change our own, because the
same sun that melts butter, also hardens clay!
Life is as we think it, so think beautifully.