Hey Krishna

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha…

Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha …

Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha …

Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha …
  Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha …

Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri company ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha …

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha

Tea time!

In the year 1975, Superman, Batman and Spiderman were flying across India &
suddenly they died.*

*Why ???*

*Hold on...Rajinikanth nahin hai iska jawaab !
...
Yaad hai, Sholay mein Gabbar ne 3 goliyan hawa mein chalayi thi....?*

Dirty fork

*A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. *
*Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, *
*I'll smell it and order from there."
A little curious, the owner walks over to a dirty
pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the
blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes
in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have,
meatloaf and mashed potatoes." "Unbelievable!" *
*In the kitchen, the owner exclaims to his wife Theresa,
who is also the cook, and tells her what has just happened.
*
*A few days later the blind man returns, and the owner
brings him a menu."Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you
a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork
and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath,
the blind man says, "That smells great,
I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
In disbelief, the owner tells his wife Theresa that
the next time the blind man comes in he's going to
test him.*
**
*The blind returns the following week, but this time *
*the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Theresa, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man." Theresa
does it and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man sits down, the owner is ready.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and
I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a
deep whiff and says,
"Hey, I didn't know that Theresa works here?**

Things to worry

"In life, there are only two things to worry about,
either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about,
but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about;
either you will live, or you will die.
If you live, there is nothing to worry about,
if you die, you have two things to worry about;
either you will go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about,
but if you go to hell,
you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends,
you won't have time to worry!"*

Things to worry

Whorehouse

A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it
means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there to...
have a good time."
The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too,
but his father insists that he's too young.
Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's" to "have a good
time",
not knowing the little boy is following them.
After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the
Madame
that he wants to have a good time.
She's a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted lady she gives him
three doughnuts and tells him to leave.
Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried.
His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.
"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.
"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"
"I managed the first two without any problem, but
I just licked the last one"

Long time

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event hosted by a local liberal arts college.*

*There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.*

*“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?”*

*“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”*

*The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.”*

*“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”*

*The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”*

*The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the
young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but
when is the last time you had sex?”*

*“1955, ma’am.”*

*“Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?”*

*Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to
a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.*

*Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
“Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!”*

*The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, “I hope not, it’s only 2130 now.”*

*(You’ve got to love military time!)*