Saturday, October 8, 2011

Dear Google

Dear Google, 
Kindly stop behaving like my wife...
Kindly allow me to finish a single sentence 
without guessing/ suggesting the end..

A 21st Century Marriage

*A 21st Century Marriage*

*I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.As the
clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a youngman burst
through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.*

*"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."The
desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please havethose roses?"*

*"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"*

*"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's
harddrive!"

Just a thought

"If sex with three people is a threesome, ****

and ****

Sex with two people is a twosome****

I now understand

why they call you handsome"****

coming late

A Man Came Home Late At Night After A Party.
His Wife Yelled:
“How Would You Feel
If You Don’t See Me For Two Days?”

The Man Couldnt Believe His Luck:

That Would Be Great!

Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her……
Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too…..
On Thursday His Swelling
Became Better
And Now He Could See Her From The
Corner Of One Eye… 

Friday, October 7, 2011

Pregnancy position

Man asks his doctor, "Can I have sex with my pregnant wife?"
 
The doctor replies,
"Yes. The first 3 months will be just like normal the next three months you should do it like dog and the last three months you should do it like tiger…."
 
The man replies "Tiger? I don't know that method."
  
The doctor explains…..
 
"Like Tiger Woods", " Sleep with other women."

Khana tyar hai?

Pati: Khhana taiyar hai?
Patni: Thodi der aur
Pati: Thik hai mei bahar kha leta hu.
Patni: 5 minute ruko .
Pati: 5 minute mei taiyar ho jayega.
Patni: Nahi mei taiyar ho jatihu. 

Time for everybody

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to
dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves
you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my *MOTHER*,who has been
a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had
made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who
suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad
news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the
two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very
much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous
about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her
hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were
impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear
about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was
very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Half way through the entries, I
lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile
was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary,
but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much
that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but
only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much
more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so
suddenly that I did to not get to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt
from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and
the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant or me. I
love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: *"I LOVE
YOU!"* and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in
life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve,
because these things cannot be put off till *"some other time".
*
*Here's hoping today is better than yesterday and tomorrow.*