What did iPhone say to blackberry?
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- iWork! ;)
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- iWork! ;)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
There is hell
Always Remember There’s A ‘HELL’ In Every H E L L 0 … Be Careful.
There’s A ‘GOOD’ In Every G O O D B Y E … Be Grateful
There’s A ‘GOOD’ In Every G O O D B Y E … Be Grateful
MENSA INVITATIONAL
THE WASHINGTON POST'S MENSA INVITATIONAL ONCE AGAIN INVITED READERS TO
TAKE ANY WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY, ALTER IT BY ADDING, SUBTRACTING, OR
CHANGING ONE LETTER, AND SUPPLY A NEW DEFINITION.
HERE ARE THE WINNERS:
1. CASHTRATION (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. INTAXICATON: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. BOZONE ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
12. DECAFALON (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. GLIBIDO: All talk and no action.
14. DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. BEELZEBUG (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. CATERPALLOR ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.
And the winners are:
1. COFFEE, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. FLABBERGASTED, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. ABDICATE, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. ESPLANADE, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. WILLY-NILLY, adj. Impotent.
6. NEGLIGENT, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. LYMPH, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. GARGOYLE, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. FLATULENCE, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. BALDERDASH, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. TESTICLE, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. RECTITUDE, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. POKEMON, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. OYSTER, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. FRISBEETARIANISM, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. CIRCUMVENT, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men
TAKE ANY WORD FROM THE DICTIONARY, ALTER IT BY ADDING, SUBTRACTING, OR
CHANGING ONE LETTER, AND SUPPLY A NEW DEFINITION.
HERE ARE THE WINNERS:
1. CASHTRATION (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. INTAXICATON: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. BOZONE ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
12. DECAFALON (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. GLIBIDO: All talk and no action.
14. DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. BEELZEBUG (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. CATERPALLOR ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words.
And the winners are:
1. COFFEE, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. FLABBERGASTED, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. ABDICATE, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. ESPLANADE, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. WILLY-NILLY, adj. Impotent.
6. NEGLIGENT, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. LYMPH, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. GARGOYLE, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. FLATULENCE, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. BALDERDASH, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. TESTICLE, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. RECTITUDE, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. POKEMON, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. OYSTER, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. FRISBEETARIANISM, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. CIRCUMVENT, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Dear Google
Dear Google,
Kindly stop behaving like my wife...
Kindly allow me to finish a single sentence
without guessing/ suggesting the end..
Kindly stop behaving like my wife...
Kindly allow me to finish a single sentence
without guessing/ suggesting the end..
A 21st Century Marriage
*A 21st Century Marriage*
*I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.As the
clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a youngman burst
through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.*
*"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."The
desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please havethose roses?"*
*"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"*
*"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's
harddrive!"
*I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.As the
clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a youngman burst
through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.*
*"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."The
desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please havethose roses?"*
*"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"*
*"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's
harddrive!"
Just a thought
"If sex with three people is a threesome, ****
and ****
Sex with two people is a twosome****
I now understand
why they call you handsome"****
and ****
Sex with two people is a twosome****
I now understand
why they call you handsome"****
coming late
A Man Came Home Late At Night After A Party.
His Wife Yelled:
“How Would You Feel
If You Don’t See Me For Two Days?”
The Man Couldnt Believe His Luck:
That Would Be Great!
Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her……
Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too…..
On Thursday His Swelling
Became Better
And Now He Could See Her From The
Corner Of One Eye…
His Wife Yelled:
“How Would You Feel
If You Don’t See Me For Two Days?”
The Man Couldnt Believe His Luck:
That Would Be Great!
Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her……
Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too…..
On Thursday His Swelling
Became Better
And Now He Could See Her From The
Corner Of One Eye…
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