happy life with girlfriend

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE
WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND ;-)
1. You can stare at any Girl.......
2. You don't have to spend money on her. 
3. You won't get boring result in ur 
board papers. 
4. No girlfriend,
no emotional blackmailing.
5. If u don't have a girlfriend,
she can't dump u. 
6. Having a girlfriend is hot,
not having a
girlfriend is automatically cool,
and every one loves to be a cool guy. 
7. This can be more to life than
just waiting
for the bloody phone to ring.
8. You won't have to tolerate
someone else 
defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.
9. Girlfriend can get so possessive
that you can't do
anything according ur wishes anymore. 
10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad,
sis or grandpa instead
of a girlfriend and have a
happier family life. 
11. You won't have to waste paper 
writing love letters.
No more endless
waiting for ur date to arrive at
some weird shop place.
12. You can have more friends, 
as u will have more time for them. 
13. You wont have to see boring
love stories instead of sports.
14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody
and, therefore, u'll sin less. 
15. You can have good night's sleep-no
need to dream about her. 
16. You wont have to fight over having a
'special' friend with ur folks.
17. No nonstop nonsense. 
18. You wont have drown in the
pool of her tears. 
19. No tension. 
20. You can be "urself" 
21. You wont have to 
hide your telephone bills...

employing cleaning lady

A cleaning lady was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, "Yes, Sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge, and last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got." Another man said, "I've got strength but no length." Another man says to the lady, "Take your hand off my trick!" I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered, "You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise." Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said, "Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine." Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber."*

Doctor and pappu

Doctor to patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai. Pappu : Doctor saheb Pehle se zyada kharab  ho gayi hai. Doctor : dawai khali thi kya? Pappu : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to  bhari hui thi. Doctor : Are Pappu ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki,  dawai le li thi kya. Pappu : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi. Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya? Pappu : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi. Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya? Pappu : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha. Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to,  Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai? Pappu : Nai doctor saheb. Doctor : Kyon? Pappu : Kyonki dhakkan band tha. Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai. Pappu : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki,  shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna. Doctor : Tera ilaj main nai kar sakta. Pappu : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata  do ki main thik kaise hounga

corporate lessons

Corporate Lesson 1 -
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob,the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll 
give
you $800 to drop that towel.†After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes
back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was
that?†“It was Bob the next door neighbor,†she replies. “Great!†the
husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?â€
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.

———————–
Corporate Lesson 2 -
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?†The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?†The priest apologized
“Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.â€
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.â€
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.
———————–
Corporate Lesson 3 -
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their
manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it
and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one 
wish.â€
“Me first! Me first!†says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the a world.†Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!†says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina 
Coladas
and the love of my life.†Poof! He’s gone.
OK, you’re up,†the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want
those two back in the office after lunch.â€
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
———————–
Corporate Lesson 4 -
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all
day. A Rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?â€
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.†So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very high up.
———————–
Corporate Lesson 5 -
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree,†sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.†
“Well,
why don’t you nibble on my droppings?†replied the bull. “They’re packed
with nutrients.†The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a
fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he
was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullcrap might get you to the top,
but it won’t keep you there.
———————–
Corporate Lesson 6-
Rohit woke up one fine morning with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open 
his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of 
water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all 
clean and pressed.
Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, 
clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on 
the table. “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. 
Love You!â€
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the 
morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, “Son, 
what happened last night?â€
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke 
some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you 
stumbled into the doorâ€.
Totally Confused, Rohit asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, 
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with 
her!â€
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried 
to take your clothes n shoes off, you said , “hey !!!!!!! leave me alone! 
I’m married!â€
MoralBreakfast — Rs. 100.00
Self-induced hangover — Rs. 2000.00
Broken furniture — Rs. 20,000.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cat to class

*At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and
she discovered little Jimmy with a cat up his jumper. She said, "Why have
you got your cat at school?" Little Jimmy started crying. "I woke up this
morning to hear the postman tell Mummy 'I'm gonna eat your pussy today!"*

Chance favors the prepared mind

A traveler was stumbling through the desert; desperate for water, then he
saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table
with a bunch of neckties laid out.

The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some
water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a
tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes. "The desperate man
shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you
that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant.Walk that
way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually
disappeared out of sight.

Three hours later he returned. The man at the card table asked, "I told you,
about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie.

saree

Wife Saw Sign Board:

Nylon Saree

Rs.8/-

Cotton Saree

Rs.5/-

Banarsi Saree

Rs.10/-

Wife: Give me Rs.500 I値l buy 50 Sarees.

Husband: Andhi! Dhobi ki dukaan hai