above 60

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find 
younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going 
through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you 
can finish the basement. When you're done, 
you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate
of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of 
the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Is your name google

A nice pick-up line:

Boy: Hey girl! Is your name Google.?

Girl: No-But why..?

Boy: bcoz you have all the things I’m searching for….! 

Why people are NOT HAPPY

Why people are NOT HAPPY
Because
They are busy
 Searching WHY Others are HAPPY

Roles in Heaven

Brahma Systems Installation 
Vishnu Systems Administration & Support 
Lakshmi Finance and Accounts consultant 
Saraswati Training and Knowledge Management 
Shiva DBA (Crash Specialist) 
Ganesh Quality Assuarance & Documentation 
Narada Data transfer 
Yama Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant 
Chitragupta IDP & Personal Records 
Apsaras Downloadable Viruses 
Devas Mainframe Programmers 
Surya Solaris Administrator 
Rakshasas In house Hackers 
Ravan ! ;Internet Explorer WWWF 
Lakshman Support Software and Backup 
Hanuman Linux/s390 
Jatayu Firewall 
Dronacharya System Programmer 
Vishwamitra Sr. Manager Projects 
Valmiki Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document) 
Krishna SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle ) 
Arjun Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him) 
Abhimanyu Trainee Programmer 
Draupadi Motivation & Team building 
Bhima Mainframe Legacy System 
Duryodhana Microsoft product Written in VB 
Karna Contract programmer 
Dhrutarashtra Visual C++ 
Gandhari Dreamweaver 
100 Kauravas Microsoft Service Packs and patches  

POLITICAL JOKES

Politically Correct Jokes

1.

The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

'I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.'

2.

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops....Will call back in an hour!

3.

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,

'Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?'

The barman says 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Hello, what are you guys doing?'

Bush says, 'We're planning world war 3.'

The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'

And Vajpayee says, 'Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.'

And the guy exclaimed, 'A bicycle repairman?!! !'

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!'

4.

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?

A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem..

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?

A: Problem....

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?

A: ...... Problem Solved!!!

5.

A man is taking a walk in Central Park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being Attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the Girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl.'

The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl,' The policeman answers.

'But I am not an American!' says the man.

Oh, what are you then?'

The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'

The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog. 

Enjoy

ENJOY.....

1.  A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and 
asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your 
own sister" 
 
2.  Santa went for an interview Bank manager: what is cyclone ? Santa: It 
is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle))) 
 

4.  Pintu was having habbit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent 
him to Ramdev Baba for treatment….. . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of 
his legs.. 
 
5.  Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut. 
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u 
will come out at once” 
 
6.  What is the height of flirting ? When your love letter starts 
with . . . . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN" 
 
7.  Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne 
kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo" 
 
8.  Dada(Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. 
Pota(Grand Son): Mai nai laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 
2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao. 
 
9.  World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any 
wool? .. .. ... .. . sheep: NO, get lost. 
 

11.  Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai ? 
Santa: just smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge 
 
 
14.  Santa london k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english 
word bhool gaya 
Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? 
Santa: 1 plate Egg's mother 

funnies

LITTLE SENSE SERIES:

Khud ko kar buland itnaa....
Ke' Himaalay ki choti pe jaa pahunche....
aur khuda tumse puche....
'Abe sale gadhe... ab utrega kaise '

jise dil diya woh dilli chali gayi
jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi
dil ne kaha khud kushi(sucide) kar le jalim
bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi

Pyar Mein Log Jinda Dafnaye Jatein Hein,
Pyar Mein Log Jinda Dafnaye Jatein Hein,
Kabar khood Ke Dekhon Intezaar Mein Paaye Jatte Hein.

Kitne Log They Tumhare Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Ek Mein Nahin Tha Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Mein Hota Bhi Kaise Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche,
Jo Mera Zanazaa Ja raha tha Tere Zanaze Ke Peeche.

PYAAR MEIN DHOKA SERIES :

Maine tujhe sau-sau khat likhe,
tune kisi ka bhi jawab nahi diya;
kahin tere dil mein raddi ki tokri to nahi?
Maine tumhare yaadon mein ro ro ke tub bhar diya
Magar tum itney be-wafa nikle ki nahake chal diye...

TOTAL NONSENSE SERIES :

Jee karta hai ki teri nili nili aankhon main dub
jaoon
Jee karta hai ki teree nili nili aankhon main dub
jaoon
Splash !

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?

Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter

Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar........
Ekhathar, bahathar, chauhathar !
( trihathar is on leave )

Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain........
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the...(wah wah)

kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ......
ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??

DOOR SE DEKHA SERIES:

Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi.....
Dooor se dekhaaa... to kuchh dikha nahi.....
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi

Door se dekha to Patthhar dikhta tha.....
Dooor se dekha... to Patthharr dikhtaa thaa.....
Paas jake dekha to... suchmuch Patthhar hi thaa...

Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Paas gaya... to bheeg gaya...

Door se dekha to sher tha
Door se dekha to sher tha
Is liye paas gaya hi nahi...

ADV SERIES :

Main tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye
Mein tere pyar mein paagal hua chhaliye,
Iodex maliye kaam pe chaliye

Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao,
Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao,
Melody khao khud jaan jao...

Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Main hu yahan, tu hai wahan
Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan

Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Maine tumse pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe pita
Tan ki shakti, man ki shakti, Bournvita (Chorus:
Aha-aha...)

Aur, ant mein Ghalib ke liye ek sher:

Tumne mere man se khela
Tumne mere tan se khela
Tumne mere dhan se khela
Wah, Wah Wah !well played! well played!

Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigrattee achi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai